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Think about the best feedback you received at work. Something that you took to heart, that you listened to, heard, and took action on. Something that was told to you that really changed your behavior or made you reconsider a course of action. Chances are that it was a conversation that happened in private. It was probably feedback that, even though may have been hard to hear, let you walk away with your ego intact. It probably came from someone who you respected, or that you believed had your best interest at heart. More likely than not it was sandwiched between a vote of confidence in your skills, or a compliment of something you do, or did, well.
Now contrast that with this scenario: A manager/supervisor walks up to an employee and begins to berate them in front of whomever might be there (which might include, but not be limited to, other employees and customers). There might be some swearing and name calling involved and there is probably a single raised voice. Maybe said manager takes something out of his/her pocket and throws it against the wall. The scenario ends up with the manager storming off and the employee is left feeling humiliated and – I’m just spit balling here – not exactly “motivated” or feeling particularly enamored with the company by which they are employed.
If this is a scenario that sounds familiar to you, let me apologize on behalf of all the well-meaning but ill directed managers out there. And if it describes your behavior as a manager, well, that’s okay. Awareness is the first step towards change. Have you been that boss? Have you been that employee? Have you witnessed such an encounter as a colleague or customer? Think about how that interaction made you feel. Here are the differences in those two scenarios:
- Effective feedback is given at a “good” time and place. It is as soon after the behavior as possible and in private.
- It specifically and precisely describes the behavior that is not allowed. It should never describe the person or judgment of the person.
| It should not sound like: |
It should sound like: |
| I can’t depend on you |
You arrived to the meeting at 8:15 which was 15 minutes late. |
| I liked the way you handled Bob today |
When Bob asked the question that had nothing to do with what we were talking about and you told him that you would follow up after the meeting it kept us right on track. Nice job! |
| You do too much talking in meetings |
During the meetings you are facilitating you are doing 90% of the talking. Remember that we are meeting because we want to get everyone’s input. As a facilitator you should be doing about 20% of the talking and actively engaging others to give feedback. |
If the feedback is on something you are asking an employee to improve on, try to sandwich it between an acknowledgement of their efforts, importance to the company, other successes, or some other feedback that will let them know that even though they didn’t succeed in this circumstance, they are still valued. For instance, “Susie, you are an important part of our team. During the meetings you are facilitating you are doing 90% of the talking. Remember that we are meeting because we want to get everyone’s input. As a facilitator you should be doing about 20% of the talking and actively engaging others to give feedback. I know you try really hard and appreciate all your effort.”
More on effective communication next week!
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